Dear Unmarried, Newly married, Married and struggling, or the just plain interesting,
You don't have marry someone who is a different race or ethnicity from you to marry into a different culture. Every family across the world has a different culture. Seriously, you can grow up in a small town and live next door to a family for 20 years but still when you get married to the girl next door, you will both have different idea's and expectations within your newly formed family. Why? Because of family culture. Every family, knowingly or not, has their own specific rules, understandings, beliefs, idea's, points of view that is unique to each family. If every person on this earth is different, then it makes sense that for each family to need a different culture, Right?! Seriously! Think about it, if you grew up in any other family would you have had the same rules and background? Would you want to continue the same traditions you grew up with in your own families you will establish? You wouldn't because you wouldn't know about them! You're family culture is what's normal for you, but abnormal for someone else. The way you handle family conflicts, family vacations, family affection, family time, family communication, everything right down to how your family handles the right way to put the toilet paper on the holder is part of your family culture! Everything that you just assume is normal for every family is so different, it's almost unbelievable!
This is why, my friends, the first year of marriage is so shocking and such an adjustment time. You have lived your whole life with norms, and your spouse has lived their whole lives with norms, and it takes just about a year to decide which norm is right. And I don't mean fighting over which one is correct, but which one is right! Right for your new family. Should we have ham for Christmas Eve dinner? Or Geese? Neither one is "correct" but each or norms for one person. So maybe what is right for our new family is switching off every year. Or maybe she fell in love with geese, and that's what becomes right. Or maybe her great great grandma's ham recipe won over him. Or maybe the right thing is creating a whole new tradition. Of course this sounds silly, menial, trivial, and ridiculous, and yet it happens all the time. Who are you to tell me something I've done for years is silly, menial, trivial, and ridiculous?! You can't. That's why it is so important to be aware of your own family culture. To realize that its normal for you, but not the world. When you expect things to be different it's easier to adjust. You can expect different norms to be thrown at you after the honeymoon. But most importantly, when you know what you're family has made normal for you, you can decide if that's something you really want to be a norm.
Traditions of our fathers can be a great thing, but it can also be very hindering. Your personal family culture is yours to create if you see it for what it is. So pay attention, and you might learn a lot about yourself, your family, and even why other families act the way they do.
Signed,
Jenn!!
You don't have marry someone who is a different race or ethnicity from you to marry into a different culture. Every family across the world has a different culture. Seriously, you can grow up in a small town and live next door to a family for 20 years but still when you get married to the girl next door, you will both have different idea's and expectations within your newly formed family. Why? Because of family culture. Every family, knowingly or not, has their own specific rules, understandings, beliefs, idea's, points of view that is unique to each family. If every person on this earth is different, then it makes sense that for each family to need a different culture, Right?! Seriously! Think about it, if you grew up in any other family would you have had the same rules and background? Would you want to continue the same traditions you grew up with in your own families you will establish? You wouldn't because you wouldn't know about them! You're family culture is what's normal for you, but abnormal for someone else. The way you handle family conflicts, family vacations, family affection, family time, family communication, everything right down to how your family handles the right way to put the toilet paper on the holder is part of your family culture! Everything that you just assume is normal for every family is so different, it's almost unbelievable!
This is why, my friends, the first year of marriage is so shocking and such an adjustment time. You have lived your whole life with norms, and your spouse has lived their whole lives with norms, and it takes just about a year to decide which norm is right. And I don't mean fighting over which one is correct, but which one is right! Right for your new family. Should we have ham for Christmas Eve dinner? Or Geese? Neither one is "correct" but each or norms for one person. So maybe what is right for our new family is switching off every year. Or maybe she fell in love with geese, and that's what becomes right. Or maybe her great great grandma's ham recipe won over him. Or maybe the right thing is creating a whole new tradition. Of course this sounds silly, menial, trivial, and ridiculous, and yet it happens all the time. Who are you to tell me something I've done for years is silly, menial, trivial, and ridiculous?! You can't. That's why it is so important to be aware of your own family culture. To realize that its normal for you, but not the world. When you expect things to be different it's easier to adjust. You can expect different norms to be thrown at you after the honeymoon. But most importantly, when you know what you're family has made normal for you, you can decide if that's something you really want to be a norm.
Traditions of our fathers can be a great thing, but it can also be very hindering. Your personal family culture is yours to create if you see it for what it is. So pay attention, and you might learn a lot about yourself, your family, and even why other families act the way they do.
Signed,
Jenn!!
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