False.
There is no such thing as loving a child too much.
SO where do spoiled children come from? From the families who don't teach their children discipline.
Did I just contradict myself?
Not at all.
Punishment = emotional reaction to fix behavior that has embarrassed, shamed, or against the values of the person performing the punishment.
Discipline = genuine concern to teach useful life skills and self discipline that will allow a child to actively participate in society.
So how do you make sure your child is disciplined but not punished? I ask the same question. I found 5 strategies to work from. I know they aren't my first reactions, but they are something I want to start working toward to use when I have children.... someday :]
1. Substitution or Redirection [especially good for babies]
2. I messages [ I see that you are jumping on the table! I feel scared that you might get hurt because I don't want you to get hurt. Will you please get down]
3. Contingency sentences - When you get your shoes on, then we can go outside. [Note that it's not an IF/then sentence, but a WHEN/then sentence. When will help you completely avoid power struggles with your child.]
4. Always give your child choices. [I understand you don't like to do homework. It is really tough. But would you rather me help you with math or English first.]
5. Consequences: a] Natural Consequences will happen no matter what an adult does. If you go out into the rain, you will get wet. b] Logical Consequences are things adults put in order to avoid harmful consequences. [ie if you keep running into the street, you are going to have to hold my hand every time we go out side. instead of letting a car eventually kill the child.]
I think the best way to keep an open relationship with your child is to respect them. And if you are disciplining them in ways they don't understand, make sense, and extremely after the fact.
I mean, imagine if you paid your water bill a day late, so 2 months later your electricity was turned off to teach you a lesson. You would feel like you've been done wrong.
So does a child.
They don't always know how to express their feelings.... but they do have the same exact feelings as you do.
There is no such thing as loving a child too much.
SO where do spoiled children come from? From the families who don't teach their children discipline.
Did I just contradict myself?
Not at all.
Punishment = emotional reaction to fix behavior that has embarrassed, shamed, or against the values of the person performing the punishment.
Discipline = genuine concern to teach useful life skills and self discipline that will allow a child to actively participate in society.
So how do you make sure your child is disciplined but not punished? I ask the same question. I found 5 strategies to work from. I know they aren't my first reactions, but they are something I want to start working toward to use when I have children.... someday :]
1. Substitution or Redirection [especially good for babies]
2. I messages [ I see that you are jumping on the table! I feel scared that you might get hurt because I don't want you to get hurt. Will you please get down]
3. Contingency sentences - When you get your shoes on, then we can go outside. [Note that it's not an IF/then sentence, but a WHEN/then sentence. When will help you completely avoid power struggles with your child.]
4. Always give your child choices. [I understand you don't like to do homework. It is really tough. But would you rather me help you with math or English first.]
5. Consequences: a] Natural Consequences will happen no matter what an adult does. If you go out into the rain, you will get wet. b] Logical Consequences are things adults put in order to avoid harmful consequences. [ie if you keep running into the street, you are going to have to hold my hand every time we go out side. instead of letting a car eventually kill the child.]
I think the best way to keep an open relationship with your child is to respect them. And if you are disciplining them in ways they don't understand, make sense, and extremely after the fact.
I mean, imagine if you paid your water bill a day late, so 2 months later your electricity was turned off to teach you a lesson. You would feel like you've been done wrong.
So does a child.
They don't always know how to express their feelings.... but they do have the same exact feelings as you do.
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