Coping Cop Outs

Take my .extremely.professional. quiz and find out what Coping-Cop-Out you identify the most with!

1. You have forgotten to complete your share for an apartment clean check for three consecutive weeks now and a roommate confronts you about it. Do you...

       A. Say that you know you haven't done this weeks, but it is extremely rude and completely untrue that you haven't done a clean check in three weeks.

       B. Acknowledge that they brought up an extremely valid point, but you were just leaving to take a test and promise to talk about it later with them when you have more time.

       C. Explain to them that you not completing your clean check is not your fault because your teachers have really been pounding you

2. Your mom called you while you're away to college last night to inform you that your favorite cat was accidentally ran over by the next door neighbor's car. Your response would be....

      A. Don't believe her because your next door neighbor is an extremely cautious driver, and would never run over a cat.

      B. Respond in a casual fashion then change the topic thinking that you will deal with it when you're home next break.

      C. Proceed to complain about your next door neighbor and how they are such a terrible person for running over your beloved cat for the next couple of weeks.

3. You lost your job unexpectedly six weeks for Christmas. Your reaction would be..

      A. Buy Christmas presents anyways because this wont effect you.

      B. Avoid Christmas parties and get togethers because you don't want to have to explain to people that you couldn't bring a present because you didn't want to admit quite yet that you lost your job.

     C. You call everyone you know to tell them about how your co-worker got you fired.

4. One day you come home from shopping to find the fire department outside your house finishing putting out a fire. The inside of your house is entirely scorched. Someone informs you that the cause of the fire was an electrical problem that you've been asking your husband to fix for weeks. Your first thought is to...

     A. Try to wake yourself up from this nightmare because something like this would never happen to you in real life.

     B. Go over to a friend's house and talk about the weather until it is absolutely the latest you can stay away from your house.

     C. Call up your husband and tell him off because if he had listened to you three weeks ago, this never would have happened!

5. Your sister comes to you in private and informs you that she and her husband are about to file for divorce. Your response would be...

     A. You and your husband? Never! You guys work so well together! I don't believe it's come to this!

     B. You tell her you sympathize for her, and you will help her in anyway you can, but you can't really get in the middle of this because don't want to become the middle man in a divorce.

     C. You begin to ask questions about how he screwed up the marriage. You know he always did seem like the divorce-ish type, it was only a matter of time that he was going to mess things up.


If you answered mostly A. Then you are a Deny-er. The best way for you to not deal with a problem is to deny it real. If the problem isn't there, then there is nothing to worry about.

If you answered mostly B. Then you are an Avoid-er. The best way for you to not deal with problems is to just avoid them. If you aren't there to deal with the problem, then you'll never have to solve it.

If you answered mostly C. Then you are a Blame-er. The best way for you to not deal with problems is to blame all your problems on some other cause. If it's someone else who is responsible for all your problems then you don't have to worry about solving them- they do.





  Moral of the story is: Cop outs will get you no where. They prolong, deepen, and magnify a simple conflict. If you take responsibility in the beginning and decide to take charge, it will be easier and faster to move on with your life.

Harder to do.

But better in the long run.

Easy as 1, 2, 3

The Birds and the Bees.

Why do they even say the birds and the bees? I mean.... birds and bees aren't exactly compatible. Hold on I'm going to try and Google it....

SO.

The all powerful Wikipedia says that possible origins are some poem from 1640 or some other poem from 1825, or the song that's the opening song from "The Secret Life of the American Teenager." (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_birds_and_the_bees)

BUT ANYWAYS. What to say about this topic. Welllllllll.... hmmm. Lets start with. How did you find out about... everything? School? Friends? Sex Ed? Parents? Now think about this... Would you want your 7 year old to find out the same way you did? Yes-- Then how will you replicated it? No-- then how will you prevent it?

There's so much in this world that if you don't make your kids become one of those weird deprived home school kids... they're going to learn something at an age that you're not prepared for. The best advice I've heard about teaching your kids about this is to make sure they know what they need to know that is appropriate for their age. However,  be prepared for unconventional questions. Children are naturally curious about everything, if they know they can ask you anything on any subject they will come to you about the things they've heard at school. Allow them to ask awkward or inappropriate questions and instead of saying, "DONT YOU DARE ASK WHY AUNT MARY IS FAT EVER AGAIN!" You can say something like, "That question is a bit harsh, Is "why does Aunt Mary have weight problems" what you meant to ask? This way they know they can ask any question, but you can teach them how to be polite and educated about talking about people that are different from them. It builds a trust relationship and they know they'll get answers that make sense. If not, they'll still be curious, and they'll still get answers.

Physical intimacy is a good and sacred thing, and if anything our children need to realize that it is a good thing in the right time. Dating. Marriage. Physical intimacy. 1,2,3. That is the best path to follow for divorce protection, and for happiness. Where nothing lasts we need to stress that a family can be forever.


P.S.
I feel like this class should have been divided in two. One day with just the married students, and one day with just the single students. :]

Oh No! I Married One of Those!

I was excited for the honeymoon! I mean! We went to Hawaii! But no one told me that when we got home he would sleep through his alarm clock every morning. OR that he would make us late everyday. Doesn't he know that Early is on time, on time is late, and late is rude? I like to be early and he likes to be.... not so early. When I got married, I didn't realize I married one of THOSE people.

Ok, none of that actually happened to me after I got married. He's actually the one that likes to be early, definitely not me. AND we went to Disneyland.. not Hawaii. But similar things did happen to us, like when I was expected to help drive even though I grew up with only my Dad would drive... that was weird. But think about it, when you grow up in a family you get used to things being a certain way and its hard not to get annoyed when things aren't done just so. But the first thing to realize however, is that he's going through the same thing. It's a process, combining lives is. You guys both come from backgrounds with good ideas of how to get the same task done in different ways. You just have to find which one's will be best for the both of you. But the most important part of everything is to talk about the expectations you guys have. If you saw your dad do something your whole life and defined that as "that means he loves mom", but then when your husband doesn't do it, you might begin to wonder if loves you. Don't worry, he does. He just shows it differently. Talking about your differences in expectations, and defining your boundaries is the BIGGEST divorce insurance you could ever invest in. Don't expect someone to read your mind, because they can't quite do that until you've been married for like a hundred years. And even then, you will probably have to still talk because you have so much memory loss. :]


So you may have married one of THOSE. But its not a reason to freak out, its a way to grow together in compromise.

D.A.T.I.N.G.

D is for Determine prey.
A is for Attracting his attention.
T is for Taking her out.
I is for Initiating DTR.
N is for Not going to work  out.
G is for Go back to start.


I feel like that just about sums up dating on campus. Everyone is on the prowl for their Eternal Mate, and wont stop until a grand wave of inspirational power washes over them and says, "YES! FINALLY you have found your soul mate! Took you long enough!" Doesn't that sound like a bad case of Ground Hog's Day? Where you just repeat and repeat and repeat the same scenario over and over and over again? But the sad thing is, so many people get caught up in this vicious cycle, and then wonder what is wrong with them, why are all these guys jerks? Or why are all these girls afraid of commitment?

Well lets look at this cycle for a minute. From the very start, the attraction wasn't mutual. She found him, and then most likely through some very skilled facebook stalking, found out everything about him so that they could be "The Girl" for him. Once he notices this girl and they start to date, either he'll begin to realize that she made her self up to something she's not, or she'll find out that he's nothing like his facebook page. So it becomes clear she's too immature for commitment, or he is a jerk because how dare he say he likes Disney on his profile but ends up as just another video game player.

And then you start over.

So what? You should never get married until you find someone who actually matches their Facebook? That seems a bit extreme to base your entire eternal progression on something you're kids wont even recognize. So what do you do? How do you get to know people you can date and eventually get married?

First, talk to people. See who they are. It's very easy within a few conversations to find peoples likes and dislikes. When you're talking face to face with people they are more likely to talk about what they are interested in now, and not what they "liked" on Facebook because it reminded them of when they were a child.

Second, as you get to know people gauge their depth level. Everyone can be your friend, but how many friends do you have that you can have deep conversations with? When you practice sharing personal things with good friends, it will be easier to share "everything" with a person you are dating that you want to someday marry. When you practice building deeper relationships with people, you may be surprised how close and how much love you feel for these people. Yes you can get hurt this way, its true. But if you've never been hurt, how can you appreciate or even recognize a relationship that wont betray you.

Third, don't date to marry. Date to learn. When you date to marry you get caught up in can I live with this person? Can I deal with this person? Can I? Can I? Can I? When you date to learn, your focus becomes what is there to learn from this relationship that will help me become a better father, mother, parent, or person. When you are willing to learn from everything about a relationship, you'll learn more than you ever thought you could. When you date to learn you'll buy a ring to match the girl, instead of finding a girl to match a ring you've already bought.

Dating is practice for marriage. If you don't practice enough before the big game against you're biggest rivalry how well can you expect to perform? Practice makes perfect still applies to Dating.




P.S.
Word of advice. Do NOT freeze sour cream....... it loses its texture and becomes grainy sour soup instead.

I am a Girl.

I am a girl. I am a girl and I am not replaceable with a boy. I am a girl with strengths that cannot be replicated by a boy. I am a girl that can admit that a boy can do things better than me. I don't believe that you can subtract a man and add a girl. The results would inevitably different. Don't get me wrong, I believe in women's rights. I believe that women deserve to be equal to men. But not replace men. See we are equally important...

But.
We.
Are.
Different.

You can't call Froot Loops Cheerio's just because they are both round! Men and women have just about the same similarities. For reals. Gender differences aren't just taught by society. They can't be. You know why? Because children show gender differences from day one. Infants only a few months old show differences. Baby boys will look around more during nursing, while baby girls will watch their mothers and try to mouth what their mothers are saying after and before nursing.

True.

That's not the same as women belong in the kitchen and men belong at work.

But.

It shows differences. Different interests, different ways of thinking, different in general.

So my question is...

Why would someone want to give up their strengths, their natural abilities to be great...

Just so they could be politically correct?

Just a Letter

Dear Unmarried, Newly married, Married and struggling, or the just plain interesting,


       You don't have marry someone who is a different race or ethnicity from you to marry into a different culture. Every family across the world has a different culture. Seriously, you can grow up in a small town and live next door to a family for 20 years but still when you get married to the girl next door, you will both have different idea's and expectations within your newly formed family. Why? Because of family culture. Every family, knowingly or not, has their own specific rules, understandings, beliefs, idea's, points of view that is unique to each family.  If every person on this earth is different, then it makes sense that for each family to need a different culture, Right?! Seriously! Think about it, if you grew up in any other family would you have had the same rules and background? Would you want to continue the same traditions you grew up with in your own families you will establish? You wouldn't because you wouldn't know about them! You're family culture is what's normal for you, but abnormal for someone else. The way you handle family conflicts, family vacations, family affection, family time, family communication, everything right down to how your family handles the right way to put the toilet paper on the holder is part of your family culture! Everything that you just assume is normal for every family is so different, it's almost unbelievable!


This is why, my friends, the first year of marriage is so shocking and such an adjustment time. You have lived your whole life with norms, and your spouse has lived their whole lives with norms, and it takes just about a year to decide which norm is right. And I don't mean fighting over which one is correct, but which one is right! Right for your new family. Should we have ham for Christmas Eve dinner? Or Geese? Neither one is "correct" but each or norms for one person. So maybe what is right for our new family is switching off every year. Or maybe she fell in love with geese, and that's what becomes right. Or maybe her great great grandma's ham recipe won over him. Or maybe the right thing is creating a whole new tradition. Of course this sounds silly, menial, trivial, and ridiculous, and yet it happens all the time. Who are you to tell me something I've done for years is silly, menial, trivial, and ridiculous?! You can't. That's why it is so important to be aware of your own family culture. To realize that its normal for you, but not the world. When you expect things to be different it's easier to adjust. You can expect different norms to be thrown at you after the honeymoon. But most importantly, when you know what you're family has made normal for you, you can decide if that's something you really want to be a norm.

Traditions of our fathers can be a great thing, but it can also be very hindering. Your personal family culture is yours to create if you see it for what it is. So pay attention, and you might learn a lot about yourself, your family, and even why other families act the way they do.

Signed,

Jenn!!

I'm the Youngest and Oldest in My Family

So for my class, we have to make a metaphor that describes our family. For example a girl from a different semester drew that anatomy picture where its half bones and half muscle/skin type thing. Then she labeled the different parts of the body the different people of her family. Her brother was the heart, the mom was the brain, the dad was the head and so on. So I started to map out a really good metaphor about my family. I happen to like metaphors and I usually can come up with them quite easily [mostly because that's how I learn things, I compare them with random other things that make sense to me.] However I have had the hardest time figuring out a metaphor for my family. You see I am the youngest of seven kids. And when I say youngest, I mean youngest. By the time I can really remember my childhood my four older sisters had already moved out and gotten married or gone to college and my two brothers, who are in line right before me, were already in elementary and middle school. My first memory of all of my siblings together in one room was when I was seven years old, and my second memory of all of my siblings together in one room was in March of this year. I know all of my siblings, and I know my parents, but what I don't know is how we all interact as a family. I've never seen it. I can't decide if we are a systems family, an exchange family, a symbolic family, or a conflict family because I really honestly don't know my family as a whole. I just know them as individual separate entities because that's the only way I've ever interacted with them.

But don't pity me and think that I was robbed out of having siblings. I had my siblings in a different way. My oldest sister has seven kids. My "oldest niece" is my best friend and no matter what anyone, including birth certificates, my sister. Same with the other six kids. Especially the four oldest. My mom babysat the three oldest almost everyday from the time I can remember until I was in third grade. And then in the fourth grade I'd go to their house everyday for homework help be around the four oldest. And right before they moved all seven plus my sister lived with us for about four months. I remember almost all of them being born, and I feel like the big sister even though I am their aunt.

So I have no idea how to go about this whole metaphor thing. Do I make one for my widespread, hardly ever together siblings, or for my Nieces and nephew who are my acting siblings? Or all of them... Which would be a very complicated metaphor indeed! It's like I am the youngest of my siblings, but the oldest granddaughter at the same time! If there's a metaphor for that somewhere out there.. I hope I find it, and soon too! I need to keep up my good metaphor-er title!